恨み

If I shouted at the sky and asked it to pour rain, would it rain?
Of course not.

The day has been gloomy ever since morning but it never rained. Okay, it did. But only for a while. It's like watching someone being moody all day but wouldn't say anything that bothers him or her. And you feel like shouting at that person. Yeah, that's how it is. Did nothing much today. Been clinging 24/7 to my pillow hug again. I don't know. I tend to do that a lot nowadays. Dragging my pillow hug with me everywhere I go I mean. And accidently leaving it in inappropriate places till my mum bising :P

Bising! My first malay word in here! But I guess it's necessary.

Anyways, I wrote 8 pages in my diary last night. Broke my old record! Lame, I know. Wrote for almost 2 hours I guess. Since there's nothing to do. I'll have to buy a new diary soon since there're only 13 pages left. I counted ;) 5 days worth of writing? I think so. I checked in Popular and Parkson before and they didn't have any nice diary. Bother. I always buy mine there. As I've said before, I don't like changes. Even in little things. There are certain stuff I get bored over easily, but that's it.

My mum spend her day baking buns and bread. They looked like bread and tasted like one. Despite the different ingredients and names and shapes. Reminds me of humans. In the end, we remain what we are. Just humans. Weak, fragile and useless. I just...want to get away from here now. Away from this place. From the boredom. From the so-called friends. Leave this place and never face any of them again. Won't that be nice? That's my fairytale now.

It's amazing wherever you go you only hear about how nice friends are, friends are like chocolate yada yada yada. Where did the nasty parts went to? Maybe on a long vacation or something. Or maybe they just forgot to mention them. Because that's a part of reality. Those're the facts. They should say friends are like chipsmore. One time they're there. The other time they're gone. I know I'm talking crap, but that can happen. Maybe it already did. There's nothing more permanent than being hurt by your friends. Enough said about that.

My parents were talking about my brother just now. He's in form 5 now by the way. The usual stuff. Grades, tuitions etc.. PHYSICS. So mum said, "Madam Chai's very good. Look at Yazid. He didn't need to go to tuition last time AND he got 1A for physics,". Hearing that, I snapped at her, "Even if you had 10 teachers teaching you, you still wouldn't score in it if you're not interested."
I got both of the best teachers yet my physics still sucked. No need to rub it in. I know I'm stupid.

I don't know myself. I don't know the people around me. I don't know what's happening anymore. I don't know to whom I should confide in. I don't know whether I should laugh my head off. I don't know whether I should break down and cry. I don't know anything. I'm hopeless.

p/s: Hatred. Pain. Resentment. Welcome to my life *hugs*