R for Ramadhan, R for Raya

With the arrival of Ramadhan, I feel a sense of calmness. A calmness which, no matter how havoc life seems to be, would never go away. And with that, I give my thanks to God. Of course, there's also the fact that after Ramadhan, it's Raya =P
Saturday. Bliss. 1 quiz, 2 exams and a presentation are over. Huh. And next week, I have 2 more tests. Yikes. Since this semester is almost ending (approximately 2 weeks left before finals, YAY), the lecturers are rushing to finish the syllabus and tests and quizzes. Which is why my days are packed with those.

Ramadhan here seems different. It is different. I try not to think how the atmosphere usually is at home during the breaking of fast. Food, food and food. A maid serving. The whole family eating together almost everyday. A rare sight. Okay, I'm thinking about it now. Here, I've to buy and find my own food. And since I'm fasting, I become more picky when it comes to food.

Limited space -> Limited food intake

Get it? Lol. So food selection must be done with extra precise and care. Hehe.

It doesn't seem long since the last Ramadhan. It was only last year. No, it's not even a year. Come to think of it, we've been going through Ramadhan every year. And yet with each year, it becomes even more special, even more meaningful. I remember during my childhood, fasting because my parents asked me to. And I would sneak into the kitchen, open the fridge and take a sip of drink xD But now, there's more to this month than eating and drinking. I mean, think logically. An early breakfast, a skipped lunch and dinner, right? So there's no fuss really with all the hunger and thirst. What important is, to control your thoughts, actions and words. It's not easy, but it's achievable. And I'm trying. Being a better person, changing along with the flowing days, because..well, because it's a normal process. That's that.

I hate to think that after this, I've to complete my Malaysian Studies assignment. If I knew, I would have choosen another topic. Haih.

Drizzle

Zaza said I was 'warak' *eyebrows arched*- the highest level as a Muslim, according to her. So I asked, what did religion mean to her. She paused for a while before answering, religion's just something to believe in. I fell silence. Islam isn't just something to believe in. Religion isn't something just to believe in. It's ad din; the way of life. Preach what we're taught. That's what differentiates us from the others. Otherwise, A Buddhist could be a Christian. A Christian could be a Muslim. In the end, they're just names. I don't think a lot of people would agree to that.
It's raining again. It's been raining everynight lately. Sometimes, I couldn't help but think. Couldn't help but wonder. Couldn't help but ask. Up to now, I'm still doing all those. It's hard when questions are asked. I don't know what to answer. They wouldn't believe me anyway. Nobody ever did. But well, everyone's different right? And right now, smiling is a lot easier than answering. Being secretive, isn't who I want to be. Here, I'm starting new. Fresh as a leaf, crisp as a chip. I don't have the answer to everything, much as I want to. The past, the present, the future. They're all equally important. Without one of those, I'd fall. And if that happens, I'm not sure I could get up once more. I'm not sure I would want to.
Sometimes I wish, I could lie down under a big tree. Without having these thoughts in me. Yet sometimes I wish, I could let it all out. For once and for all, and never look back. I intended to do that. People made it look so easy. But it's not. I still do. But what's there in the past?
I try not to question myself anymore. I have to believe in everything I do. Even if the path's there, I wouldn't want to go back. I wouldn't want to choose something else. I wouldn't want everything to be different. Everything's fine the way it is. Only, am I fine with it? Doesn't matter. As long as I can still laugh. As long as I can still smile. As long as I can still hope. Fear of hopes being crushed. Fear in believing. Those were in the past. They might come true, they might not. It could rain everyday for all I care. Because you know what? I know the sun will be there tomorrow. Always.

Afar

Sometimes I wonder. When I looked out of the window, and saw people milling around. Just how different we are? What hurt me may not hurt them. How does sensitivity work? I don't know.
I spend all day with Rina today. We were searching for, ehem, 'the bag' which remains non-existent so far. Who cares >_< I was just glad we're able to hang out. Like how we used to. Back in Miri, back in Labuan. Someone who's almost like family. I spend last night at Roy's. Then we got lost trying to find my aunt's house =P
The cold nights in matriculation. Haha. It's funny thinking about those now. Cold nights. We're going to experience that wherever we go. Just have to deal with them. Well, we managed to get through those didn't we? Hm, you know what I miss the most about Labuan? My pink water ladle! It used to be so cute. Lol.