Walking Fairy

Sometimes I feel, we are puppets. Chained by strings. Destined to entertained.

I am one of those puppets. Controlled, put into acts. The strings are my leash, and one who controls them, isn't someone. Not a person, but an event. Not a walking soul, but bits of occurence. It took a lifetime for the strings to get loose. And it gave me great delights, to be freed. Weightless. For not to force to smile. Not to force into joyous. But doing them with sincerity.

But sometimes, just sometimes, the chains tightened, jerking me backwards. And it repeats.
It repeats. As if all this while, I didn't move. Rooted to that one spot. And after some passing time, the chains loosen once again.

I'm going to be binded to them forever. But I still believe the strings will break one day. They will. All I have to do is wait.

Just being dramatic XOXO

Anyways, let's immersed ourselves in the pictures of cuteness:

It's so small, it could fit right into my palms

Lulu*, Lala*, Lili*

Like a lioness

Now watch Lulu*:

Wearing a dress!

First unsuccesful attempt to take the dress off

Second unsuccessful attempt

Chewed on the tablecloth instead

Bite bite

Very doll-like and pretty

*Names subjected to changes because well, I haven't named them yet.

Btw, I DON'T believe in all those crap about animals dying if pictures of them are taken. That is not only PURE, but completely and utterly bullshit. They die because they're old or sick or eaten. If it's true, then the animals on TV and magazines and books and posters would all be dead by now and this world would be animal-less. And my rabbits will have long prosperous lives. So there.

Money's hard to find, so don't go and spend it all in one time. It rhymed!

My OT shift ended 27 minutes ago.

No more waking up at 7.15 am.
No more feeling exhausted when I got back home.
No more converting + formatting + editting CVs for hours and hours.

Hurrah! I'm free!

And the best part is, I've earned RM 500 in 4 days. Those who said I wasn't independent can eat their words and digest them. I'll make one hell of a CEO. Lol. I probably wouldn't.

Yes, I've been working. From Tuesday to Friday. RM 100 per day + RM 100 for OT today. Like I said, what I did mostly was dealing with resumes and stuff for this big tender I'm not even interested in knowing. It's not exactly my dream RM 4.50-per-hour-cashier job, but this paid better. God, when will I be able to do a part time job as a cashier? Anyways, no more working for me after this. It's exhausting even though all I did is sat in front of the computer from 8.30 am to 4.30 pm. Some day I sacrificed my lunch time. Some day I worked until 6 pm. And some day, I did OT. But honestly, working there was fun. I liked the office, the environment. I liked the people who worked there. Not all of them, but most of them.

It's the Venezuelans who poked their head into the room to say 'Good Morning' each day.
It's the Scottish guy who made time to sit and chat.
It's the Bruneians who offered a hand.
It's the Malaysians who acted as if they owned the company.
It's the Malaysians who acted snobbish.
Typical.

And my boss rocked. Seriously. For a 49-year-old guy with 3 kids, he's someone I'd describe as 'peloya nauzubillah'. Mr. Hernando the Big Boss would go all, "Who's staying back today? I'm ordering pizza," or "I was told we were the winner. We're going to win this bid!". Mr. Jim was, "Are you comfortable sitting like that? I wouldn't be able to walk for a week!"

I was allowed to wear t-shirts and jeans and flip-flops. I could do my work while listening to MP3 and drank Coke and ate chocolate.

I really liked it there.

But not enough to continue working tomorrow. My last day in Miri. No way.

At least one good thing came out of this whole thing; I don't want to work in an office. I know it's all I've dreamed of since I could spell but now I've experienced it, I don't want to sit in an air-conditioned room all day with no windows, staring at the monitor or some crappy contracts. It's pointless exhaustion. I mean, your mind's working all right but your body doesn't. Unless you count going to the pantry for a cup of coffee or to the toilet for a wee. And come to think of it, it's a bit like school aite? Fixed working hours, repeated tasks everyday. Where's the drill? Where's the excitement? It makes life seems so dull.

Oh yeah, I am aware of the course I'm currently doing but one must consider her options thoroughly right? I might not want to be a doctor. I might want to pursue business. Or journalism. Or anything really. But now business and anything that's connected with office is out. OUT I say. That rules out a lot actually.

Excellent.

It's just that, a job is a big deal. I mean, it's something I'm going to spend the rest of my life doing. It's like choosing your other half; that's important right? I don't want to work just so I could pay the rent and the bills. I want to wake up in the morning and actually look forward to my job. I want to start my day not knowing how the day will turn out. I like the kick of not knowing what's gonna happen next. It gives a buzz, like taking caffeine. I want to have a job where I can move around, jump and bounce. Just kidding about the jumping and bouncing but you guys get my point right?

Yes, I remain as indecisive as ever.

P.S: When writing your CV, keep it as brief as possible as in UNDER 5 PAGES. No one's gonna bother reading your 15-pages CV and you'll end up making a part-time worker very very pissed.

Bread misery

I've a mild headache.

I'm sick.

And I've decided to put the blame on this breadless house.

Yup, you've read that right. My house is officially breadless. Except for some loaf of raisin one which I don't eat. Ma Baker is closed and Mum didn't bake. I don't eat any other bread.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO EAT?

Rice? *puke puke*

Junk food? *puke puke*

Fast food? *puke puke*

Fancy yucky food? *puke puke*

I WANT BREAD!

Catching raindrops

Let's start my entry with this picture:

That couch is now officially my bed. It's not that I was thrown outta my room. Nor is it I'm trying to gain sympathy from my parents so that they'll raise my allowance *hint! hint!*

But because for these past 4 or 5 days, I've felt asleep on it around 5.30 am watching CDs. And when I woke up, it's already noon and someone had been kind enough to take out the cd, switched off the tv and so on.

Anyways, yesterday had been a bit bizarre by my standards. I slept at 10 am (a new record!) and woke up at 4.30 pm. Couldn't quite believe I'd woken up that late. I'd practically jumped up from the couch when I looked at the time.

Now, the question. WHAT was I so busy doing that I couldn't meet my 5 am bedtime?

Keeping my promise to my brother. Which was.......

Fine. We went jogging. He's been bugging me about it since I made the mistake of suggesting it like a week ago. It didn't happen because I'd usually dive in to bed before 6 am on purpose since I really didn't feel like sweating.

So when 5 am greeted me, I was all, "Haiya, now I have to go to sleep." Like it was more of a commitment than something my brain and body badly required. Then it hit me that I was on holidays (cheers!) and that I could afford to go to sleep anytime I wanted. I took on surfing the channels and settled on Discovery Channel. About some evil person named Carozasta. Cazarosta. Cozosta. It's something started with a C. He must had been one boring person, because 3 minutes into the show, I got bored already. Instead, I picked:

Once again, Power Puff Girls saved the day.

Around 6.30 am, we set off. On foot. You know, trust is the basis of everything. Saying you didn't want to die early on the other hand, isn't. It's as if my parents didn't spend a thousand bucks so that I could get my license. It's as if I couldn't even drive! Okay, so maybe there's some doubt there. But still, it's Bulatan Park. That's only like 5 minutes away. If an accident did occur, I could still go home and fetch a couple of books so I wouldn't die of boredom in the hospital.

Barely 3 minutes into walking, it rained heavily. How could the weather changed from

this to this?

Instead of retreating home like losers, I suggested we sat at a nearby bus stop until the rain subsided. Brilliant or not?

Only that I got impatient after sitting for a while and convinced him that a bit of rain wouldn't kill us. I told him I wanted to use the long way and I only got THE question once. Which was,

"Seriously, don't you know anything about road rules?"


It was a nice morning and it's been a while since I had taken a morning walk. I couldn't be blamed for walking in the middle of the road and ignoring the cars.

Because of CNY + rain, there weren't many people. Just a few old people, jogging with umbrellas. I couldn't do that. But then, there are a lot of things I couldn't do.
Something else caught my attention though:

Supported by JICA. Hmm...somehow doubtful.

And guess what? On my third lap, it started raining some more! The sun must had been laughing at me behind all those raindrops and clouds.

After doing 4 laps, I decided to call it a quit because my legs were threatening to disattach from my body. It wouldn't be nice to be legless.

So we went to the only cafe opened which I didn't know the name.

I ordered the classic ice lemon tea which seriously, looked more like orange gunk to me. They didn't have Coke (boohoo), nor did they have watermelon juice. Nor did they have barley. My advice? Tutup kedai la!

I would be delighted to say my morning ended there but sadly, it didn't.

My requirement was specific: I wanted the shortest short cut to go home.
Since it was practically his fault we're on foot, he's the one who's supposed to figure that out. And he did what? He took the longest short cut ever! The roads we took weren't familiar to me (I need a map to walk around Miri) and whenever I asked, he said that he knew his way around because he took the roads before. Ok.


When I saw the sign Piasau Jaya 2B, I gaped. I didn't know it existed!

When I saw SESCO, I freaked out. SESCO was nowhere near home!


We went that way, and this way, and I was already thinking of calling Dad to pick us up (I didn't because being 19 and all, independent was what I should be).

After a while, we saw SMKDP and got ourselves safely back at home. Wanna know what's funny? Despite the soaking in the rain and mixed directions, I never felt more alive.

I haven't felt that in a long time.

The FRIM visit

Look at the pictures closely and tell me one similarity. Just ONE. Go on.

Info on Arapaima. Or whatever fish it was.

Um, a yellow blossoming flower? Other than that, not a clue.

An elephant-like trunk!

Some kind of mushroom perhaps.

Swirling tree?

Mimi a.k.a Mad Dog a.k.a Mushroom (types depend on mood)

Glad I'd missed these. Not complaining.

Exactly. There's no me. Not in any of those picture. Not even my shadow. Because at that time, I was eating ice-cream in Miri.

Re: Reason For Absence To FRIM Visit

Regarding to the matter above, I, Nurisa Bt Mohd Sabri, ID number 01200715 1257 would like to state my reason for not participating in the FRIM visit which was held on the 29th of December 2007.

1. That was due to the fact that my flight ticket from Miri to KL was dated on the 1st of January 2008. I'd tried forwarding my flight but they told me it was not possible because of the holidays season. I regret this matter deeply.

I offer my thanks for your co-operation and I hope no action will be taken against me.

Thank you.


Okay, so I bluff. What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them. Unless they read my blog some time after I'm done writing it. Even then they couldn't do anything since my 44% carry mark for Biology is already definite. And if you look beyond my inability to write a formal letter (and it's only a year plus since high school too, shame), you'll be able to appreciate the excellent excuse I'd managed to come up with. There's no way they would call MAS and asked.

Imagine my shock when Mr. Azlan said:

"So?"

It's not exactly the 2-syllable word I was expecting (or hoping). It should be o-kay.

"Um, so you shouldn't deduct my marks?"


"You expect me to give you your marks when you didn't even attend your lectures? You were supposed to attend class! This will effect your grades greatly."

Not a good start.

"It's not my fault! The lecturers agreed to postpone the classes until after New Year. I even went to see them personally to make sure of that!"

There's no need to mention I only met Mr. Saleem to arrange that. But he did agree! And my Chem lecturer said herself she'd only start after New Year. As for Bio, um, well, I was supposed to miss only 2 classes max. Supposed to.


"Then how come you still missed your classes?"

He glanced at my Bio lecturer who happened to sit nearby. Please please please don't ask her. If he asked her, then BIG trouble wouldn't even begin to describe my situation.

"Because there's this student in my class who called all the lecturers last minute and insisted on classes."

And turned up late for most of them, that jerk. Like I didn't know.

"You were still supposed to be there. I gave you 5 days of holidays. You're free to do whatever you wanted in that matter of time but when hols were over, you were supposed to come back,"

5 frigging days weren't enough!

"My parents wanted me to go back. And they couldn't purchase an earlier flight because they were fully booked. I even asked my friends to scan the lecture notes and send them to me through email so I could study!"

When in doubt, mention your parents. And those bits were true. Except for the study part.

"But still, you weren't there during the FRIM visit! I couldn't possibly give you the marks."

Oh? Now we're talking about the FRIM visit are we?

Ding dong!
Round one: Nisa won.



"Why not?? I'm going to do the report and assignments. I'm only asking for the attendance marks."

"No, you'll not do those. You can't send them in because you weren't there. You don't know the details."

"But it's a group assignment! I can refer to my friends' notes. They have the pictures and everything!"

"Those are your friends' notes. They were there. If I excuse you this time, there'll be other students who'll do the same." He sounded as exasperated as I was.


"The FRIM visit was an experience to help students to grasp the theories better. If they missed it, it's their lost. It's my lost. Not yours. And I told you, I didn't do it on purpose. I tried changing my flight but couldn't. I can look up on the net on the things I'd missed. I can even do extra credit."


This was not the time for pride. It was the time for adding-up-every-bullshit-you-could-think-of-in-order-to-come-up-with-something-convincing. I was real desperate here. I would search on the bloody trees if that's what it'd take.

"But you weren't there."

WHAT DID IT MATTER EVEN IF I WERE THERE?

"I am a good student. I never skipped classes (well, except for you-know-when), I did well during mid-term and quizzes and I handed in all my assigments. For the FRIM marks to pull my grade down isn't fair. Even the world has the court and the judge system. You don't go to court and get thrown into jail straight away. You go on trials and are given chances to say your defenses. That's fair."

Court and judge? Where did I get those?

"You weren't there." He sighed.

He would never shut up about that would he?

"Yeah and it wasn't my intention. I didn't do it on purpose. Everyone deserves a second chance. I won't repeat this again, I promise."

He was quiet for a moment.

"Let's say I'll give you the marks, how much do you think you deserve?"


Was this a trick question? Whatever it was, it's the kind of question I hate.

"Um, I don't know. I suppose.......quite a lot?"

"I'll discuss this with your lecturer."

Ding dong!
Round 2: Nisa might had won.



Oh FYI, Mr. Azlan is the Program Manager. He's also the one in charge of our hols which so far:

a) he either made it so brief (name 5 days for mid-sem holiday)

b) or arranged it so it clashed with other public hols (5 days- Xmas day, Hari Raya Haji, Saturday and Sunday. Only one day of REAL holiday. 2 weeks of sem hols- one week of CNY hols)




Any other reason NOT to loathe him? Except that I think he's a good lecturer when he's not busy threatening to deduct students' marks. Whatever.

Oh yea, I saved the best picture for the last:

Nature at its best

Grievous Affliction

One of two missing students found dead
By Patrick Joseph
Two boys said to be pulled by currents while swimming in the sea national park

FOUND: Zaid’s body is taken to the national park centre

BINTULU: One of the two Form 4 students who were on a study tour to Similajau National Park, about 30 km from here, and feared drowned on Feb 2, was found about 3.45pm yesterday by a team from the Fire and Rescue Department (Bomba) and an emergency and rescue team on three jet skis.

The body of 15-year-old Zaid Mohd Dzulkhairi Julaihi was found some 200 metres from where he was last seen at 12.20pm on Saturday.

The other boy has been identified as 15-year-old Mohd Arif Abdul Rahman.
The search and rescue (SAR) teams formed by the police, marine police, Bintulu Port team, Shell, and Rescue 991 went into action soon after receiving news about the missing boys on Saturday afternoon.

Bintulu police chief, Superintendent Sulaiman Abdul Razak, who led the SAR teams, said they searched the jungle, beach, shore, sea, and also from the air.
“The SAR is still on, and we are using all means to locate the second boy,” he said, adding that Mohd Arif who was also believed to have drowned, had yet to be found.

On how the SAR moved, he said they used two helicopters belonging to the police and Shell, police boats and jet skis.

The two boys were among 30 Form 4 students of Kolej Tuanku Haji Bujang at Tanjong Lobang, Miri who had just completed their Penilaian Menengah Rendah (PMR) examinations last year.

Their study tour to the national park was organised by the school, and they were minded by two teachers and six senior students.
When asked why a group of 30 students were only guided by two teachers (a ratio of 1:15), Sulaiman said: “That was what we were told. We need to check further on the actual number of teachers in the tour.”

It was also alleged that the group arrived at the park about 9am that day, and walked seven kilometres through the jungle to Turtle Beach I. The walk takes three hours.

Zaid and Mohd Arif were said to be swimming in the sea, and though the water was only chest-deep they were pulled by strong currents.
Another student was said to have tried to stop them from drifting out, but he too experienced some difficulties.

A Shell helicopter based in Miri was sent to take part in the search. Coincidentally Zaid was the son of a Shell worker in Miri.

The search for the boys started as early as 5am yesterday (second day). On the first day, the search was called off due to heavy rain.
It was also said the parents of both boys were with the search and rescue team since day one.

According to Sulaiman, the search continued yesterday despite the darkness.
“The weather was kind to us, so we went on,” he said.

Everytime I read this piece, I feel sick. As if I'd eaten something foul for dinner but couldn't vomit them out. And it's weird considering I don't know who they were, or their family or anything. I just know they're students of Kolej Tun Datu Tuanku Haji Bujang, the school I once attended for 5 years. And that's enough for gorillas to hit the gong in my stomach.

But it's not only that. It's knowing they went there not knowing they were jungle trekking towards their death. It's knowing they were only 16 years old, only in form 4, only starting to live. It's knowing after CNY hols, their classmates and teachers will glance occasionally at their empty seats, wishing the 2 students are sitting they as they always did. And worse, it's knowing how scared they must had been when they were struggling with their lives.

Now that it occured, questions are brought up. It was when Terence (and everyone else) asked, "How come they were only 2 teachers?" 2 teachers and 30 students, went on a 7 km jungle-trekking, wasn't it too much? The questions make me nervous for my former school. They give way for people to doubt and raise more questions. The school's system, the principal, the teachers. 2 students died, and the consequences are what as they should be. This time, there wouldn't be any excuses.

Why they were only 2 teachers...for those who participated in camps organized by KTDTHB before, they should be aware that there are usually not more than 3 teachers supervising. Another why, but that's how it usually works. Only in this case, no, it didn't work. They should have been more teachers. That kind of camps were done before with maybe the same amount of teachers in charge and nothing happened. All went well and nobody bothered to comment on anything. But now when something DID happened, people start to dig for anything that could be the reason. Who could blame the parents? They need someone to vent out their anger. They need someone to blame and take responsibility for what had happened. And I guess the question "Why were there only 2 teachers?" sounded better than "Why did they go into the water when they weren't supposed to?". Nobody would be able to answer the latter. No matter how you look into it, it's still the adults that were supposed to be resposible.

Whatever questions are raised to attack and whatever defences are thrown back, the trip took two students' lives and nothing could change that.

Al- Fatihah.

I WANT MY PILLOW CASE BACK

Parts of my new resolutions when I left secondary school were:

a) To control my emotions fully
b) And definitely no tantrums

I'm getting better at those.

I was settling myself comfortably on my bed, ready to start my Korean cds marathon. Only then I realised there were only 6 pillows. The 7th one; my pillow hug was missing. Anger was building up because I really really hated it if someone moved my stuff. My maid has to put up with my BRAT-OF-THE-WORLD act everytime she tidied my room because she usually don't put my stuff back where they belong. It'd usually end up with me asking crossly, "What's the point of a desk if not to put stuff on?" I don't mind if people use my things without my permission, really, as long as they're there when I want to use them. Otherwise, don't even bother.

Blaming myself for not realising this sooner, I went everywhere around the house looking for it. Everywhere accessible since the other rooms were already locked and they were already sleeping in their beds. I ignored the squirmy feeling and assured myself I'd ask my maid tomorrow. She of all people should know. Predictably, the first thing I did when I woke up was went to my maid's room.

"Kak, where's my pillow hug?"

"Try looking in your bro's room. I think I put it there."

Trying to ignore the annoyed feeling, I went.

Question 1: Why was it there?
Question 2: Why wasn't it on MY bed in MY room where, might I remind everyone, it should naturally be?
Question 3: Who the heck dare removed it??

To my huge relief, I found it on his bed. To my utter horror, it's naked without it's case.

Carrying my precious pillow hug, I went back to my maid's room.

"Where's the pillow case?" My layers of patience were holding on nicely.

"Your mum threw it away,"

I threw my head back and laughed; that's so illogical. I asked her to stop joking and tell me where my pillow case was.

"Really, your mum threw it away. If you don't believe me, ask your mum."

I went to the kitchen. She was busily baking some cake.

"Mum, did you throw my pillow hug's case??" I demanded. New resolutions could go to the bin.

She looked lost and said, "What are you on about? No I didn't."

"Kak Us told me you threw it away! My pillow hug's case!"

"Oh, that. I threw it away. I should throw your pilow hug as well, it's so old."

My pillow hug's case. The one gran made for me when I was still a baby. The one I had for more than 18 years. The one that had my name, sewed on by me on my first attempt of sewing when I was still a child. She might as well said she gave one of my rabbits away.

I broke down and cried.

So it's old. So the colours have faded and you couldn't see the pattern of white flowers against the baby blue anymore. That's my damn business and mine alone.

After a moment, my maid came into my room. She told me she had tried saving it when my mum told her to throw it away. That she hid it in the closet outside because she knew how much it meant to me. But then mum found it and scolded her for disobeying. Then she used it to stuff dead leaves. She said my mum couldn't understand the whole nostalgic business and that she's emotionless. Now I know where I got those traits from.

Only that I would never ever stuff dead leaves inside someone's pillow hug's case. There's a difference.

Funny how my maid knew me better than my own mother.

Volcano failed to errupt and hurricanes didn't blew the houses away. I didn't yell at my mum. I didn't throw the green Kamus Dewan: Edisi Ketiga (what a waste of RM 50) against the door. I didn't pretend I'd accidently smashed her precious teak chairs to the floor (she'd probably kill me anyway. And stuff me with dead leaves.) I didn't even sulk.

I just cried and cried like a kid that had lost her favourite toy. How mature was that huh.

I don't blame my mum. That's how she is. Hard on the outside and soft on the inside. Well, most of the time.

One thing is clear though; I'm bringing my pillow hug with me when hols are over. No way anyone's dirty hands are getting on it again.

Soap on a rope

Things would be better if I don't have 2 panda eyes staring at myself in the mirror. And the panda eyes looked as if the pandas didn't get much rest either. I don't get what I'm ranting about myself.
Only that,

I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP.

This is just another of my many many phases of absurdness. So it's not a big deal. Oh yea, what was I going to talk about? Ahah, now I remember.

I did my usual sprinting-to-catch-the-plane today. It totally wasn't my fault last time; I was on the stand-by list and so, the whole running thing was acceptable. This time, I arrived earlier at KLIA; flight was at 1.15 pm, and I was already there by 11.50 am. That's like 25 minutes earlier before the checking in time right? There should be no reason for tardiness. Only that I got totally absorbed with my book, I lost track. The first time I checked the clock, it was 12:09 pm. The next time I glanced at it, it showed 12:40 pm. And to my horror, the checking in queue was long. Long long long. Dammit.

I imagined calling my parents up and telling them I'd missed my flight. Nope, not imaginable.
And so I queued up. I was one of the last passengers who checked in and so I got upgraded. Ahah! The book didn't do any harm after all. Well, not much harm anyway. Just cold sweats xD It's one of the been-there-done-that situations. So I knew the distance to the terminal gate and I knew I had to walk fast, if not run. Only this time, I was prepared; I wore sneakers. Last time it was bloody heels. I think I ran pretty fast for someone who was carrying a notebook, handbag and donuts. Back up-plan was never a bad thing. And sneakers of course.

Oh oh oh, I drove tonight! Yeaaaahh, after, um, I don't know how many months after I've had my license. But the months were many enough. I insisted on driving to Gran's even though it was dark and it was raining. Hey, I had to practice sooner or later didn't I?

This is the rule when I'm sitting in the driver's place ok: Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE should stay home. They shouldn't be out there on the road, driving as well.

Seriously, I freaked out when there were other cars. Whenever a car was tailing behind me because I was going s l o w l y , I would think;

"That driver must think I'm an idiot and drives like an old granny."

Because that's what I would usually say when the car in front is driving 40 km/hr. In fact, old grannies probably drive better. Anyway, my point is, I should be worrrying more about crashing into other cars, or trees, or anything crashable really, and killing myself and my passengers rather than worrying what a blank-face-driver would have thought of me and my limited driving skills. Then I remembered that whenever one of my parents drove, I'd feel that I was in good hands. With me driving, they're clinging onto the seatbelts for their dear lives and looked as if they might encountered heart attacks soon enough.

So for now, I still remain a danger to myself and those around me.