The sickness of clumsiness

I am officially depressed. That's right, DEPRESSED. This is not Mimi's kind of depressed because she's fasting or Seena's kind of depressed because she couldn't answer some Math question.

No, this is MAJOR, kindda deja vu kind of depressed. Maybe one of the post-exams symptoms, however weird that may sounds. But I think that's it. I snapped at my parents a lot these last couple of days. Hung up the phone, felt guilty and called them back to apologise. It happened so often that I found myself telling myself that it's not cool to do that. It's not cool to hurt people on purpose and then apologise. Things don't work that way. But maybe because they're my parents and I knew they'd forgive me against any odds,I kept repeating it.

I ought to be shot in the head.

I've shortlived my N73 by throwing it the other day. Yup. Twice. Even now, when my phone's blinking the message: battery low, I feel like chucking it outta windows. I even have issues with my phone. Trust me, rage is not my first cousin anymore. Ignoring though, is still is. Even my friends say I'm ruthless and yes, I do think so. In fact, more than ever. I, of all people, don't give any damn. So sue me.

I'm just thinking...about my exams. Shut it that exams aren't everything. Sure they aren't, but they're still something of values that people seem to look at. Results wouldn't be out for another month and I'm already freaking out. The thing is, if I were able to maintain my GPA this semester, then I could breathe. Then my CGPA would be safe. Then I can think about medicine.

Anyways, guess what happened yesterday?

I slipped in the toilet. Not only did I have to go up and down the staircase 4 times because the stupid washing machine wouldn't accept 50 cents, I had to land on my butt in the toilet as well! The slippers were slippery and I had only one foot on the floor (I wanted to wash my feet), and the next thing I knew I was shrieking and landed on the floor with a thud. Ouch. Thankfully there was nobody around to witness my humiliation, and thankfully the tiles were dry. I was awarded by a couple of nasty scratches on my feet, but that's it. I got myself up, did not pretend as if nothing had happened, considered the situation and laughed my head off. Hey, there's a first for everything aite? Mine happened smoothly =P

Guess what happened the day before?

Okay, shoot. I was in GSC with Seha, watching Narnia. A few minutes before the film ended, I put my drink in the cup holder firmly, intending to leave it there because I couldn't finish it. Note that my drink was a large Coke and it was still more than half full. The credits rolled and people around us were already scrambling to go out, using the lights from the opened doors because the lights in the cineplex were still not switched on. I got up, brushed popcorns off my clothes and turned 45 degrees to leave. Then I saw a drink spinning in midair, landed perfectly on the shoulder of a woman sitting in front of me, emptying its content before it bounced off again. Amused, I wondered who did that.

Then Seha said, "Nisa, tu bukan air ko ke?"

WHAT?

I glanced at the cup holder and my drink was missing! The drink that had landed flat on the women was MINE. It was impossible! I did not, I swear, knocked it or anything. And even if I did, surely it would fall to the floor? Surely it wouldn't do some Jackie Chan act, wouldn't seem as if someone had thrown the drink?

Realising this with horror, I said "Sorry!" repeatedly to the women. She was cursing, trying to clean the mess. One thing was clear, she was mad. Really really mad. But she didn't turn around. It was dark and she couldn't even see my face. So I did the next logic thing I could think of; I ran for the exit. It was like a hit-and-run case and indeed, I feel ashamed of myself even as I'm writing this but hey, I was terrified okay? I should be forgiven. Especially since I didn't know how my drink managed to fly and the fact that the women was wearing black. Coke stain on a black blouse, shouldn't be too obvious right?

After that, of course, I laughed at the whole thing. Puzzled and amused at the same time. Until now I still wonder, how did it happen?

See what I meant by post-exams symptoms?

Lol.

Over the same sea, on the same wind

When I started doing Foundation in Medicine, I thought I had found one of the purposes in my life. I thought I had finally figured out what I wanted to spend the rest of my remaining time doing.

I did.

I wanted to be a doctor. And suprisingly, more than a year later, I still stick to my decision (=P)
I have an ambition. I have a dream. I have something I need to fulfill, no matter what it takes.
That feeling gives me some comfort.

But now, I'm at lost.
And now, I'm scared.

Because finally, I have to come up with another major decision.

University placement.

Coming into our second long semester, most of my friends had brought up the question. As to where to go; which university, which country. My answer was always this, "I don't know. I'll decide when the time comes." Each time we had the ISEP (International Students Exchange Programme) briefing, it'd leave me feeling uneasy. Because I didn't know. And I still don't know.

Truth is, I hate making decisions. I dislike having to think of the pros and cons. The advantages and disadvantages. Personally, I think it's easier if MSU just shoved me to whichever university they think is suitable. Though in truth, it wouldn't taste that sweet.

Now I only have another short semester before I'm done and I know the time for making that decision has come. I've avoided it long enough. The next intake is in September or October and if I miss those, I'll have to wait for another whole year. What should I do? Duduk rumah tanam jagung is it? Hell no.

I've officially missed the entrance exams to Czech and Poland. Despite words of encouragement from my friends, I refused. Despite having more than the minimum GPA, I refused. The entrance exam was 3 days before my finals. If I screwed my finals, then I was screwed. Not worth it especially for countries I never intended to go. Trust me, experiencing 4 seasons and being in Europe have never been in my list. Those are just typical Malaysians' excuses.

I have one country in mind. One country that whenever I mentioned it to other people, I'd get arched eyebrows as their response. A country that, even I, couldn't explain the reason why I want to study there so badly.

Despite that, yeah, I'm still in a deep dilemma.

Me and my complains, as usual

So my blog is practically dead. Dry. Drained. You get my point. And for those who'd been urging me to update my blog, well, here I am.

Sorry, I was so busy studying and being a nerd, I couldn't bring myself to blog.

Ahah! As if =P

Being here always sucked any writing mood out of me.

Before I start, can I first complain? Of course, it's my blog. Sukati la what I wanna write. So here goes:

Finals are in 2 weeks and 80% of my classes are cancelled.

WHAT THE HELL??

And before I could rejoice about my class-less days, the lecturers piled us with so much work.

Just a typical student's whine.

I feel as if this semester has been dragging on for too long. Too long and too boring and I just can't wait for it to end. 3 more weeks, that's it. This is the longest I've been away. The maximum should be a month and a half. Not 3 AND A HALF MONTHS. And somehow, my grades have been a bit more colourful this semester. No more As lining up.
Whatever.

I just want to go home.

I know I sound like a child longing for her ice-cream. No,no. I'm just longing for Seksyen 2's ABC which my housemates had promised me today but up to now, I still haven't seen ANY ICE.

I'm known to be aggresive when I want something so they better bring me there ASAP.

That's my ultimate complain by the way.

I want my ABC!

P.S: Dear Hani, HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY. Cut on the snacks and eat more veggies k? Love you.